Umbrellas

For some reason, I can't get myself to write before bed like I used to. The thinking juices in my brain have moved to a day shift. Unfortunately for you, my dear readers, most of my ideas require a decent amount of thought and preparation. I'll adjust accordingly. For now, though, I offer a mini-rant on umbrellas to celebrate the glorious, cooling rain we had today in Boston.
I completely understand the usefulness and practicality of umbrellas, in theory.

Person 1: Oh my God! There is water falling from the sky! I’m getting soaked!
Person 2: Here. Shield yourself with this large, portable dome.
Person 1: It worked! Look how the water drips around me instead of on me. Thank you so much mysterious strange-… where’d he go?

Sure, it works just dandy when you’re walking alone on an empty sidewalk or down a deserted road, but what about when the walkways are jammed with people, many with umbrellas? It turns into a fight for position in the sky. Umbrellas bob and weave above our heads willy-nilly. Those of us who happen to be tall have to duck and dodge this ballet of attempted protection. As one would expect, the carrier of the umbrella is largely unaware of this interference into the lives of others.

And to further antagonize those around them, the bearer of the umbrella remains ignorant to the fact that their rain protection is redirecting the water onto those that surround them. Many a shoulder has been drenched by umbrella run-off. And seriously, how long do umbrellas really last? How many have been made to look ridiculous hiding under a floppy fabric because the wind knocked the umbrella around a bit?
Let’s not forget how umbrellas block spectator views at sporting events, concerts, fairs, and other such entertainment enterprises. It’s difficult to conceive of another product that creates so many hurdles for those not using it. I say it’s time to take a stand against umbrellas! Buy a raincoat. At the very least, you’re about ten times less likely to leave it at a restaurant. And there is little as refreshing as a walk in the rain on a hot summer day.