A Long-Winded Response to a Facebook Comment from My Cousin about Gay Marriage*

I don't typically write about my political beliefs in this space, but my cousin commented on a Facebook post of mine and realized that my response was going to require more space than that thread offered in order to give it the thought and respect it deserves (he's family and I like him. I'll leave the snarky, dismissive comments for people I don't know). In order not to deluge you, my faithful readers, with boatloads of political discourse, I'm going to purge some other thoughts here, as well. You've been warned...

For those who need to catch up, here's the exchange thus far:

NC: I fail to see how basic civil rights can be left up to a vote by the masses. Just because gay marriage isn't popular doesn't mean it isn't right (or anyone's business but those getting married). I thought Republicans wanted to keep the government from interfering in our personal lives...

Cousin: Small Federal Government.... more power to the states. Wouldn't you rather have a vote then have one person telling you what you can and can't do?!?!


NC:  In this case, absolutely not. I've said it already, but Civil Rights should not be up for a vote. In the end, instead of one person telling people what they can and can't do, we have thousands even though this issue has zero bearing on their lives. Why should you, or anyone else, have a say in whether two consenting adults can get married?


Cousin: Your talking about changing the way the country has described marriage since before our country was our country. Not to mention one of the hottest most opinionated topics possibly ever. Federal Government wasn't established to take on these issues, it should be up to each individual state to put forth their own laws and legislation. Is it ok for one person to ram a bad health care system down our throats or let a commonwealth vote on it?
I'm not for or against this hot topic but I sure don't want one person declaring what's right and wrong in his or her opinion.

Third Party: [Addressed to Cousin] - Without a doubt the Federal Government should make sure that each and every American should have the same protections and rights. If that wasn't the case slavery would still be around. 

Each and everyone of us should have the same rights and be protected by the law the same way, and right now that isn't the case. The Federal Government needs to make changes to make that the case.

Cousin: I understand but I'm simply pointing out that it is not the responsibility or the role of the Federal Governments it is the States. Slavery was ended but it was years and years before blacks were given equal rights. Also, slavery was ended over a war which led to over 1/2 a million deaths. 
All I do know is Obama has huge balls after his commitment to support same sex marriage. First president ever to do so. I don't like what he is doing from a business standpoint with our country but that comment today was impressive to take a stand on.



I can tell you're enthralled already. So let's go further down the rabbit hole.

First of all, bringing up the (or more accurately, "a") definition of "marriage" is a red herring. It's common knowledge that languages evolve (don't worry, I'm not going to bring that controversial subject into this discussion). Hell, "gay" has undergone just that. To act like altering the definition of a word is a big deal is disingenuous. It happens all the time. I don't think it's a stretch to adjust the definition to "a formal union between two consenting adults."

I'm not going to bring healthcare into the discussion because I think we'd find ourselves similarly at odds (though I won't say that Obama's plan is perfect). However, the difference between the health care debate and the gay marriage debate is that in order to fun health care of any sort, someone needs to pay whereas allowing anyone (consenting adults) to marry has no effect on anyone but those involved. Right now, it's pure discrimination that homosexuals can't marry and thus can't receive the same benefits the government offers heterosexual married couples. Why should a large group of strangers get to decide that? This subject shouldn't even be up for a vote. If the state governments are failing to do the right thing by American citizens, then the federal government should absolutely step in and rectify the situation.

And it's not "opinion" that gays should have the right to marry. It should be their Civil Right as an American and human. Nearly everyone I've heard decry gay marriage spouts off examples from the Bible. However, it stands to reason that amongst the thousands of religions out there, not everyone can be correct. Religion (and even a lack thereof) relies on Faith. I wholly respect your faith, though it differs from mine, but neither of us has a right to force our belief upon the other. We can discuss the matter as intelligent adults and learn from each other, but I can't say to you (and expect you to abide), "you can't eat fish on Friday" if you don't subscribe to that belief structure. The same goes with people using Christianity as a reason why gays shouldn't marry. It's one thing to hold a belief, but entirely different to force it on others. Yet, that's exactly what's happening when people vote on gay marriage.

Furthermore, there are literally THOUSANDS of gay people who have done far more for this country than I ever will. I refer, of course, to those who served in the military (discreetly, until recently). I defy anyone to suggest that these people who served their country don't deserve all of the rights that even the lowest of us heterosexuals get.

Can't we just skip the embarrassing phase when we have holdout states putting off the inevitable? Is there anyone that still believes that we should have slaves? That women and blacks shouldn't have the right to vote (Yes, I know there are, but they'd be scoffed at)? This is the trajectory of not just gay marriage, but gay rights in general. More and more, people are feeling comfortable "coming out." It's only a matter of time before all states support gay marriage, so let's just do it now. How can something based solely in love be so controversial?

This is why I've been lukewarm on Obama's position on gay marriage. As big of a deal as it is that he supports gay marriage, I wish he would have hammered down harder on it being a Right. I almost would have been happier if he'd come out and said, "while I personally believe marriage is between a man and a woman, I recognize that every (law-abiding) American has the right to marriage, regardless of sexual orientation." Sure, it's great if he supports gay marriage and believes it's a right, I just with he'd put more emphasis on the latter.

OK. It's nearly 2 AM, I wrote this right after work, and I'm losing the thread. I'd hoped to put in all kinds of links and spice things up with a bit more humor, but it is what it is. Thank you all for indulging me. Please respond (civilly) if you have any thoughts to add or counterpoints to make.

*I make some leaps from comments my cousin made that don't necessarily represent his opinions. He just offered me a springboard to get to some other ideas. The only comments and opinions that can be assumed to be his are those that are quoted.