8. St. Louis Cardinals
Tony La Russa and David Eckstein represented everything I hate about baseball. La Russa was a backwards thinking manager who refused to accept that there were new and enlightening ways to assess the game. He's a man that refused to acknowledge that bunting is a horrible idea 99% of the time. His team's success only built his legend even though they won despite him (it's amazing what having a great pitching staff and baseball's best hitter can do for you). It's debatable how much impact managers have on a game, anyway. I know there's lots of people in the game who think like La Russa, but he became a poster boy so he bears the brunt of my hostility.
David Eckstein was a mediocre baseball player who got by on his "grit," "hustle," and "scrappiness." I don't have time for that nonsense.
Anyway, the Cardinals are past that, so, yay! But they got their rings twice in the past ten years, so it's time to give others a chance.
They have an astronomical payroll ($216+ million thanks, in part, to taking a bunch of high-priced talent from the Red Sox) and it's hard to root for that when three of the five bottom payrolls are playing for the championship. But Don Mattingly would finally get his World Series ring and that would give Yankees fans something to cheer about (look at me, being magnanimous).
From 1991 to 2005, it was really easy to hate the Braves. They were always winning their division and ubiquitous in the playoffs. Then there was (is) the tomahawk chop. It's bad enough that it happens, but hearing a stadium packed with people doing it is hellish. I didn't appreciate those teams at the time and I'm only now coming around to it. The experience of living through it left a lingering stench. But it's time to start letting go. Plus, I love thinking about the cold sweats the people of Pittsburgh will wake up with if the Braves and Pirates face off in the NLCS. Even more, I love thinking about Pittsburgh getting their revenge.
The Tigers feel do for another World Series title. The city could use something to cheer about (aside from their Robocop statue and they've been building towards a victory going into the third year. But Leyland is one of those old school guys and they've got a massive payroll, so I can't put them any higher. It would be fun to see Leyland's Tigers face off against his old team (Pirates), though.
This is where things get hard. I'd be ecstatic if any of the remaining teams won. There is no legitimate reason (for me) to not root for them. No matter what my grandparents say, Joe Madden has a good head on his shoulders. I noted above that he probably doesn't have much influence on the game, but he certainly keeps a light clubhouse. It's still amazing to me that this is the same organization (though with one less "Devil") that had ten losing seasons to start off their existence. The people of Tampa Bay (St. Petersburg, really) don't deserve this team.
I want this year to be the turnaround year for the Pirates. I want their fans to experience the playoffs many times throughout the next decade. I want this to be the start of something great. They feature in my favorite potential playoff match-ups (Pittsburgh - Boston rematch 110 years after they met in the first World Series? Yes, please) and a pretty big part of me hopes for a Pittsburgh - Oakland World Series, ratings-be-damned. But there's two things I want more than a Pirates championship...
2. Oakland Athletics
I want all of the moron sports pundits and hack writers to stop having a reason to say that "Moneyball doesn't work" even though they've been proven wrong a million times by now. I want the A's to cut out these idiot's tongues, stomp on them, putting them in tiny tongue-shaped coffins, set them on fire, piss on the ashes, bury the ashes, and put up a marker that says "Here lie the remains of some dumb-ass motherfuckers' tongues. Carry their fate with you."
Yes, I'm a hypocrite. They have the fourth highest payroll and two championships in the past ten years, both reasons I chose not to root for other teams. But The Red Sox had Bobby Valentine as a manager last year! That's got to be worth something. Plus, those damn Yankees fans love throwing around the number 27 like they were alive for all of them. Well, the Red Sox can't stop until they catch up (but seriously, totally stoked on an A's - Pirates series).
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