Why I Floss

I’m not really sure when the last time I went to the dentist was. Probably before entry into Boston University in 2007 (from which I have since graduated). I do know that I have at least one minor cavity. How do I know this? My main clue is that I can’t eat bread on one side of my mouth, though I don’t know why bread is the main culprit in setting the sharp, shooting pain through my mouth. Perhaps because it’s soft and can easily get into cracks more rigid food can’t. There is also a little notch on one of my lower front teeth in which I can easily get a fingernail caught. However, neither of these is bad enough to actually get fixed; it’s enough to know they are there.

I bring this up not because there is inherent interest in my teeth (though there may be), but explain that my teeth aren’t resistant to the perils of everyday where and tear. In fact, I think I still have at least two filled cavities in my mouth, not counting the ones I had on baby teeth. So, with a history relatively fraught with the most common of dental problems (I do still have my wisdom teeth, though. Huzzah!!!), it should be pretty clear why I floss: it’s just good dental hygiene.

Wrong. Unfortunately for me, you’d be hard-pressed to find a stupider reason that someone started flossing.

There was a Circuit City commercial years ago that had a man searching endlessly through his pockets for a receipt to return an item he purchased there. The man pulled out all kinds of rubble and debris from his pockets, finally pulling out some dental floss leading to this exchange:

Man: Floss. (Slightly embarrassed) Who flosses?

Circuit City Employee: I floss.

Man: Oh! Me too…

Then the employee assures him he doesn’t need his receipt. Point was, at Circuit City, they have your stuff on computers, so you know longer need to save your receipts.

Now, what I got out of it, and I can’t rule that it’s because I found the woman playing the Circuit City Employee kind of cute, is that I should floss as well. About twenty years of going to the dentist couldn’t get me to floss, but one commercial with an attractive girl who was given a line to read (because, let’s face it, she may not floss at all) from a now defunct business lead me to years of good dental hygiene.

I can’t say if this prevented my current cavities from growing bigger or if they formed after the flossing started and dental hygiene is all a bunch of bollocks. But I’m using mouthwash now (on my own accord), so if the cavities get better, then I’ll really be cooking.