A Short One -- Penis Enhancing Pills

This is the first of an ongoing series of musings that won't be as long as most of my other posts. The posts will deal with weird things that have been taking up my mind-space that people don't generally want to talk with me about. This first topic was chosen exclusively for the complementary and punny relation to the title of the feature.


I'd like to say that Enzyte's recent legal troubles caused me to start thinking about the effectiveness of penis enhancing pills, but sadly (and embarrassingly) I've spent a good deal of time thinking about this independently. The main point I’ve been pondering is how, exactly, it works, supposing it does actually work. The penis is made up of mostly tissue, blood vessels, and skin, so you don’t need to worry about extending bone (pun partially to mostly intentional). I suppose, in theory, it’s possible to create something that could alter the ratio of components of the penile region, but how would one make it so it zeroes in on the area? Couldn’t other areas of the body start to sprout? I wouldn’t want bulbous elbows (though the extra padding may help if I ram my elbow into a wall or a face).

If it is really possible, then why aren’t there pills that could increase or decrease the size of someone’s nose or ears? I should think that those body parts don’t cause a large enough population enough anxiety to be profitable. Companies like Enzyte pray off of insecurities. And of course, the commercials show women flocking to “Smiley Bob” just to sit in his lap or stare approvingly at him in the pool sans trunks (which begs the question: is Bob always running around with a raging erection?)

The same can be said about the weight loss pill industry. They zero in on people with low self-esteem and exploit them. Truth-be-told, I kind of feel that people buying pills to lose weight deserve to get screwed over. We know that good diet and exercise will accomplish the same, but people are lazy. At least with penis enhancement, the men really don’t have anywhere else to go (and I’d definitely try a pill before surgery. I only want doctor’s messing around down there out of necessity).

Of course, the commercials always have the caveat that “results may vary.” A convenient ass covering if I’ve ever seen one. So if there is no change, then you’re just unlucky. Now that Enzyte has gone under and the people in charge are in trouble, it would seem that perhaps people are wising up to the scam. If only we could do something about the other 9,000 (my estimate) pills promising penis enhancement.