A Brief History of Jokes I Wrote*

First Grade (maybe third): The first joke I ever wrote (probably recalled with better construction than it actually had)

A man sitting on the ground having a picnic farts. Nearby a snake sings, "Feel those good vibrations!"

That's right, my first joke ever was a fart joke. You can't say I haven't always aimed high.

Junior High: Written while I was in the shower (which will become evident)

What do you call a whale with a bowel problem? Shampoo! 

High School: No jokes. Too busy banging chicks! (talking to friends on AIM)

Undergrad: No jokes. Too busy banging chicks (talking to friends on AIM) and gettin' DRUNK! (watching movies) 


The Geologist Years: No jokes. Soul crushed by job.

Graduate School: The birth of the non-joke

Two men walk into a bar. One orders a gin and tonic and the other says, "I'll have what he's having."

Your mama's so fat... I'm really concerned about her health. 

A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist are stranded at sea. The priest and rabbi set aside their differences and pray together for rescue. The atheist says, "I, too, hope for our rescue, though I'll refrain from joining you in prayer."

The Portland Years: The culmination of years of practice.

I'm so good at Pin the Tail on the Donkey, I could do it blindfolded!

If I was lying, you'd know it!

Verily, I'm the voice of a generation. It's a wonder I'm not touring the county (not a misprint) packing them in by the dozens .




*Those worth remembering, at least.